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TILL DEATH DO US PART??

In the latest season of Desperate Housewives, Tom and Lynette Scavo made a decision to seperate for a while. Anyone who has followed the series avidly over the years wouldn't be too surprised that, FINALLY, the cracks in their seemingly great relationship would become obvious to them.

While they generally run a tight ship, Lynette's need for complete control and Tom's unwillingness to step up to the plate and handle certain responsibilities was bound to cause problems someday.

As this season plays out, Tom starts dating someone else and eventually, Lynette does too. They even get physically intimate with their new partners. In episode sixteen, the subject of Tom taking the next step in his new relationship comes up. He had made the decision to move in with his new girlfriend of barely three months.

Watching that particular episode, I was sitting on my couch and thinking, "This can't be happening! They are still married to each other." It was clear to me that they still cared deeply for each other, judging by events that had happened in the episodes prior to that. So, I didn't get the fact that both of them were blind to that.

I reminded myself that the series was all fiction and that nothing about it was real. Till, I realized that wasn't entirely true.

There is a Bree in some of us; Masking our true feelings and the deep pain we feel when things go wrong and all the time, pretending that everything, about our lives, was perfect.
There is a Gabrielle in some of us; Vain and sometimes selfish but deeply committed to her family and friends when it counts the most, while, hiding a very deep and unforgotten pain.
There is a Susan in some of us;

Sweet, sometimes, hilariously clueless Susan whose good conscience wouldn't let her, casually,  accept a wrong.
There is a Renee in some of us; Smart, sexy, very confident and without a care in the world; all the while, hiding a heart that had been broken by the people she loved the most.
There is a Lynette in some of us; Strong, dedicated to the family and more often than not, taken for granted, totally overwhelmed by family responsibilities and complaining about those responsibilities; all the while needing to be needed.

So, even knowing that these characters are fictional, the fact that they represent people who do exist and the fact that I do find their lives amusing and entertaining even if a tad exaggerated, keeps me watching. Anyway, I digress.

Tom and Lynette always had problems simmering under the surface but I certainly didn't see that seperation coming. I also didn't see all the ensuing drama. This was Tom AND Lynette, afterall, a solid team on the lane. What was particularly sad to watch was the fact that they didn't seem to want to try to patch things up. They just wanted to see how happy they could be without each other and with other people.

I have been with the same man for almost twelve years so I know, from experience, that relationships of any kind are hard to maintain. Very, very hard. Then, when you throw marriage into the mix, a lot of other dimensions are added. 
When people marry, new and complex responsibilities as well as their different personalities often bring about changes in each of them and in their relationship with each other. 
Sometimes, these changes are not good ones. In a lot of cases, little by little, the very foundation of their relationship gets eroded till they come to the point where a split may be considered.

I, truly, cannot understand the 'pursuit of happiness' with another while still being married.
Whatever happened to vows?
Whatever happened to honour?
Whatever happened to the fear of God?
Since when did dating someone while married to another, stop being infidelity?
It's even worse, really, when infidelity happens by a mutual agreement between a couple.



It is a lot easier to part ways than it is to work to bring healing into a floundering marriage.
This is because, more often than not, a lot of problems are left unresolved till a huge mess is made of everything. Then, it becomes extremely hard to clean up that mess.
More often than not, due to ego issues, no one wants to be the one to reach out and bridge that widening gap.
More often than not, aggrieved parties, for fear of 'rocking the boat', do not speak out till nerves are frayed very badly


It is very sad when a married couple do not realize that, not one of them is more important than the unit they represent.
Marriage is a relationship that goes beyond having 'good' feelings. If it were, no one would stay married because there are days when you just don't feel that man or woman and might even wonder what you had been thinking the day you went on a first date with them.
It's not some rite of passage that ends with the ceremony and then, life goes on the same as before.
It's about a daily commitment to the vows made during that ceremony.
It's about a selfless and unending giving of one's self to ensure that the equation,1+1=1, remains true.


In episode seventeen, Lynette recalls a good friend telling her that the longer she and Tom waited for the other to admit that they were wrong, they would keep growing further apart. That wise friend told her, "Someone has to make the first move."


I do hope that one of them makes that move that would bring them back together. I just can't imagine either of them with any other person. They are Tom AND Lynette, after all.
It may only be fiction but I wish them happily ever after.
I wish that both of them would have the courage to turn away from distractions and seek a lasting healing of their marriage.
I wish that they would find happiness and contentment, once more, with only each other.

And, long after the series has ended, I want to imagine Tom and Lynette, old and gray, sitting on their porch and looking over their white picket fence.
I want to imagine them, enjoying the sights and sounds of their grand children playing in their yard.
I want to remember them as the couple that made a decision to honour the vows they exchanged the day they got married.
I do hope that, they would be parted, only by death. 


Comments

  1. There is really a bit of the Wysteria lane characters in us...Tom and Lynette? I share the same sentiments my dear...God help us in this vocation called marriage! Nice one Ola...

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  2. Sugar8:31 am

    First of all Ola i never reach episode 17,just 12. I like my suspense in movies nw u hv given me breakdown of what happened so far, anyway nothing spoil. Yeah i agree with u dt deres a bit of wistrtia lane in each of us, what we should learn to do is to use our strength for positive in our homes. In dt way our strength dont turn out to be our downfall in d case of lynette.

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  3. hmmmmmmmmmm this is so apt and spot on for esp as am miles apart from my hubby!!!!!!! and i think i should make the first move thanks alot Ola and God bless your skills!!!

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  4. Yh right Ola. I neva reach where u de o! Seriously though, asides d fun, d loving, d butterflies in d stomach, d blushing.. Etc!! Marriage is serious business. Marriage is forever.. That's one of d things d wedding ring reminds us of..forever. Whateva happened to foreva? I saw a lady this week wt her 2kids, as we talked, I enquired abt her husband. She sighed and said she even wants to divorce that man sef. I asked why and she said she's just tired. I kno I'm no expert on marriage sha, but.. Wateva happened to till death do us part?! And d moment we begin to reason in our minds that there's a door in and a door out of marriage, that's d moment we fail to put in our best and let it work!! Its not easy.. But its worth it! I love my man jooooor! I will strive and pray to make it foreva! Thank u Ola.

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  5. colettOoo5:33 pm

    Don't really know why I have not gotten to like or appreciate desperate housewives! But Ola from this write up, it speaks volumes that it relate to our way of life when it comes to relationships! I appreciate this write up darl! Marriage has never been perfect becos we are not perfect too! But things like this help us to work on our weaknesses in our marriages and Voila!!!!! Long life and 80yrs anniversary and more ......

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  6. Hawt Gusta5:58 pm

    Marriage is a serious biz and shld be treated as one. There shld be daily plans and decisions to make one's marriage work. Ola, thanks for this refresher's course once more.

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  7. jbabe9:41 pm

    Wow @ Ola very interesting write up. I watch and enjoy desperate house wives but have never likened the xters to real life situation. Eye openner there. Thanks for this great lesson and contributions from friends comments as well. It all adds up. We learn everyday. I have learnt a lot here today too. Looking forward to your next topic and write up. Stay blessed as always.

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  8. Thanks, Ng. You're so right. It's about God helping us o 'cos it IS hard work staying married.

    Sugar, sorry naa. There's a lot I didn't give away so you'll get your suspense, still ;) I agree with you. Sometimes, our strengths may become our undoing if we are not careful.

    Lero, thanks dear. Good decision, taking the first step. Amen to your prayer!

    Onose, you too? Mehnn, I shoulda put a spoiler alert like one of my friends told me. All you DH fans that haven't watched episode 17 and 18, una sorry o :) Seriously, dear, you hit the nail on the head. A door in and a door out in marriage makes hardwork less of an option and more of an inconvenience. Thanks, sweetie.

    Coco, Amen to long life but ehmmm 80 years wedding anniversary? How old you wan be by that time? ;)

    Gusta, you're welcome, sis. This was a refresher course for me too. A reminder to put my back to it. Phew!

    Jbabe, thanks, sis. God bless you too. I learnt from this article too. It's given me something to read when I need to remember how important it is to make my marriage work and havie fun doing it too :)

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  9. Ogonnaya8:43 pm

    They call it 'open relationships'. very wrong but it's sad that a lotta western marriages are practicing it. Marriage and family responsibilities can and do bring out the worst in us but we have to decide to make real and conscious efforts not to let it. And it takes two to tango so husbands and wives have to decide to make it work. Those circumstances change us but it doesn't have to be for the worse.Call it maturity, call it aging but change we will.
    Thanks Ola

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  10. Yeah, Ogo... It takes a conscious decision to honour wedding vows for any marriage to be happy.
    Just thought of it this way: If either party woke every morning and repeated those vows they made to the other in their hearts AND resolved to live out the day honouring them, there would be a lot less problems between them.

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  11. Ah, i totally agree with you. I am seriously rooting for them o. The last episode got me smiling when Lynette made the move and Tom...cough.no more spoilers. I guess both parties have to be willing to work on it.

    stumbled on here through Che's and i like what i see. Following.

    http://toinlicious.blogspot.com/

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  12. Thanks, Toinlicious. Funny, had yours open on another window when you beat me to it. I like what I see too.......Following right back ;)

    About Tom and Lynette, I see you have Sunday's episode to watch ;);) No spoilers jare, lol!

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  13. This write up just reminded me of all the things I love about Desperate Housewives! Glad to see a Lynette and Tom fan. I used to be the only one among my friends who loved Lynette die. She is manipulative but so 'end justifies the means about it'. You gotta give it to her, in those early days with the twins and all, i had to give it to her that she didnt go crazy.

    First time visiting. I like!!
    Your name got me curious actually. Saw your comment on Okeoghene's and thot..hmmm..is that Igbo for Gold or a Yoruba name i have never heard of? Yay for Gold!

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  14. Ginger; Thanks for dropping by :)
    A fellow Tom and Lynette fan! Yay! :):)

    You're so right about Lynette... Super woman, alright. Getting preggie again after having grown kids? Phew!
    I'm so glad they found their way and still managed to hang on to their white picket fence ;)

    Been to yours. I like! A fu m na i bu nwanne m nwanyi ;)

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