THE MAGIC WORDS

Some days ago, I had a really busy day and by night time, all I wanted was to send the kids off to bed and put my feet up. However, I was running a little late on their bedtime schedule and, since I didn’t want any mealtime drama, I decided on fixing them really fast food for dinner.

Nwando wanted the egg sandwich I offered, while the little boss man wanted some cereal instead.

Soon the sandwich was ready and immediately she took the first bite, she said, “Mummy, everything you cook is delicious. That makes me think you’re special.”

I wasn’t exactly surprised by that declaration, because she says such things a lot of the time. However, because I hadn’t been expecting it, it was an awww moment for me. Grinning from ear to ear, I came to her, hugged and kissed her and was rewarded with a huge smile.

Ikem was not to be outdone. He immediately stopped riding around on a tricycle and said, “Mummy, thank you for making Cerelac for me.”

Since he started talking a lot clearer, it’s always a delight to hold conversations with him, not only because he’s always certain of what he wants; but, because he mimics us a lot.

I hadn’t made his cereal yet. Infact, I was holding a plate with the dry cereal inside at the time. But, I rewarded him with a smile, a hug and a kiss too.

When I went back to the kitchen to fix his food, I still wore a smile on my face. Even though I had been thinking about me when I decided to get dinner over with really quickly, I felt really pleased at their reactions. It struck me then, how such seemingly insignificant incidents could give me immense pleasure.

I hadn’t even made anything special for them. The egg for Nwando’s sandwich was actually extra from the batch I made for the Mister’s dinner. I had only decided to use it, just to save time.

She didn’t know that, though. But, even if she had, I’m certain that I, most likely, would have got a reaction like, “Mummy, you see, it was a great idea giving me the eggs.”

That’s who she is and how she talks a lot of the time.

Suddenly, I was no longer in a hurry as I fixed Ikem’s dinner and soon, I found myself singing one of Barney’s songs in my heart:

He’s talking ‘bout please and thank you

They’re called the magic words.

If you want nice things to happen,

They’re the words that should be heard.

Remember please and thank you

‘Cause they’re the magic words

When Nwando and Ikem were really young, this song came in handy when teaching them the importance of being polite. The fact that Barney echoes what mummy says on the subject makes it a lot easier for them to accept it as law.

However, I understand that it’s also important for me to teach them that speaking to people in a proper manner goes way beyond saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ to them.

So many times, we take people for granted, especially when we think they’re doing their jobs. We often forget that, just like us, they are human and would feel the pleasure kind words bring.

The help at home may be earning a salary, but, a kind word here and there might just make her love you and her job. The reason she acts out sometimes, might be that she misses her family; just as you would if you were in her shoes.

Before you yell at her again for being clumsy, while using one of your numerous gadgets, maybe you should remember that she came from a world where none of them existed.
The difference between both worlds might just be overwhelming to her, that’s all.

That colleague, whose work is less than stellar, might just relax enough to do a better job, if you didn’t speak so condescendingly to him.

Maybe, if you praise him the few times he gets it right, he just might be eager to get it right more often.
If you stopped being the one who never praised your subordinates, but is quick to point out their flaws, you’ll stop wondering if they meant all those nice things they signed on your birthday card.

The fact that sarcasm comes naturally to you doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt people.

I know it must be really hard for you to speak in a less insolent manner, but you could give it a try, couldn’t you?
‘Please’ contains only six letters, while ‘Thank you’ is just two words. Come on, they can’t be that hard to say!

Hmmm, you didn’t like how I just sounded, did you?

Did all that sugar-coated insolence offend you?

Oh, well… the boot is merely on the other foot.

The truth is that, we are usually pleased when people praise us or say nice things to us. Even when we try to pretend that their words mean nothing to us, we are secretly chuffed.

However, a lot of the time, we forget that other people would feel the same pleasure if we were to give a little of ourselves to them.
Many times, they do not hear words of encouragement from us. Instead, we insult them overtly and covertly, we point out their errors and we continuously put them down.

Recently, something I found offensive happened and while I was ranting emphatically expressing my displeasure, Ikem frowned at me and said repeatedly, “Mummy, don’t talk in that manner!”

Even though I heard him, at that time, it didn’t really sink in because I was on a roll. But, by the time I was calmer, I was ashamed that a little boy had to remind me to walk the talk. To him, it wasn’t enough, to have me say that to him and his sister, without doing the same thing.

It suddenly didn’t matter that I had been wronged. What mattered was that regardless of how I felt at the time, it was necessary that my words not be offensive too.

He might be only a few months past two-years; but, he already knows that what I say doesn’t count if it doesn’t tally with what I do. No matter how I feel about that, it is what it is.

The knowledge that I fight for myself, when I strive to be a better person, spurs me on. But, the realization that I fight also for my children, scares me a lot because sometimes, those boots are just too big to wear. I am a role model to them, whether I’m up to the task or not.

It’s not enough for Barney and me to sing such idealistic songs to them if I have no plans of following through.

It’s definitely not enough for me to always say, “Don’t talk in that manner!” and in such a superior tone, if I fail to live up to that standard.

It’s not enough to feel pleased when someone’s words are kind, if I have no intentions of passing on that kindness.

It’s not enough if friends and acquaintances hear me say the right things and think my words pleasant, if my family does not share that same opinion.

I have realized that I feel pleasure too when I know that I have brought someone pleasure so, why deny myself that?

Every language is made up of both beautiful and ugly words. No matter which you speak, may the words you choose be those which are truly magical in their ability to transform both the speaker and the hearer.

The words of the reckless pierce like swords but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Proverbs 12: 18 (NIV)