WHEN THE ENEMY COMES HOME

Oh my, what a day, Bola thought as she drove home. I need to see my children before they go to bed. Can you all just move out of my way so that I see my babies before they sleep?
Shoulders slumped, she sighed sadly. Traffic on the bridge was very heavy and she was yet to get to the middle of the bridge. The clock on her dashboard read 8:30. She realized that this night, she was surely not going to be home in time for her children's bedtime. They had been asleep when she left home this morning too. She truly was fed up neither seeing her children often nor spending quality time with her husband but she didn't know what she could do about that.
I can't resign from my job just yet, Bola thought, miserably. I haven't saved enough money to start a business with and to maintain the lifestyle we're used to, we do need the income that comes in from my job. I just don't like knowing that my family suffers as a result.

She thought now of her thirteen-year old daughter, Jumoke. They had always been very close till lately. Jumoke had always talked to her mother about anything but recently, Bola felt that her daughter was no longer open with her. Jumoke never seemed to want to spend time alone with her mother now. It was almost like her daughter was suddenly avoiding her. Weekends were the only times they could spend together as a family but these days, Jumoke always claimed to have a ton of homework to do every weekend. Bola had caught her chatting on the phone a couple of times when she was supposed to be doing her homework.

Bola sighed deeply now. Her husband had bought a mobile phone for their daughter on her thirteenth birthday. "That phone was supposed to be used only for emergencies and for when her father and I want to talk to her during the day," she spoke out loud. "Now, it's become a major source of distraction for her. She's always talking to someone on that phone! I hope there's no boy in the picture."
Almost as soon as she said this, she dismissed the idea with a shake of her head. No, there surely cannot be. She's way too smart for that. She knows she's too young to even think about boys.
She was grateful for the fact that it was a Friday night. I'll get her to tell me what this new change in her is all about tomorrow.


When she finally got home almost two hours later, she let herself in. Her children's nanny heard her come in and came out from her room to say hello. After exchanging pleasantries with her and assuring her that she didn't need any help from her, Bola went upstairs. She was grateful that she had Mrs. Peters in her employ. The woman was a mother-hen and was really good with the children. She usually kept eight-year old Kolade company when he came back from school till his sister who was in secondary school came back much later. Bola didn't know how they would have been able to cope without her.

Kolade was obviously asleep when she checked up on him. He was a light sleeper and as she didn't want to wake him, she quietly closed the door. As she passed Jumoke's room, she thought she could hear her daughter talking so she opened the door. Sure enough, Jumoke was on the phone again. She looked startled when her mother came in. It was obvious she hadn't heard her come in.
"I have to go now," she quickly told whoever she had been chatting with. "My mum is home."
"Good evening, mummy," Jumoke said. She was smiling nervously.
"Good evening, sweetie. Who was that on the phone?"
"On the phone? Oh, that. No one, mummy."
Alarm bells went off in Bola’s head. "No one? Were you talking to yourself, then?" she asked.
With a small laugh, Jumoke said, "Of course not, mummy. I only meant it wasn't anyone important, that's all."
"Jumoke, please hand that phone over to me."
"Mummy, it was not..."
"Now," Bola quietly insisted. She suddenly had a headache. All she had planned to do on getting home was to take a quick shower and sleep. She was extremely tired and just needed to rest. Now, it turned out she had to have that talk with her daughter, after all.

Jumoke handed the phone over to her mother. When Bola tried to access the phone's log, she realized the phone had been locked with a password.
That's a new one, she thought, her heart sinking into the pits of her stomach.
"I wasn't aware that you had started locking your phone with a password," she said to Jumoke, looking very intently at her.
Her daughter squirmed under Bola's unwavering gaze and said, "I just found out that my phone had that option today and decided to try it out."
Bola could always tell when her daughter was lying and she realized now that she was.
"What's the password?"
"Mummy, I just locked it today," Jumoke stalled.
"That's not what I asked you, Jumoke. Give me the password immediately. I don't want to repeat myself."
When her mother used the kind of tone she just did, Jumoke knew better than to cross her so she told Bola the password she had used for the phone.
Bola unlocked the phone and went straight to the phone's log. The last call had been from her daughter to a person named Jay and had lasted over eight minutes. Heart beating frantically, she looked up from the phone to her daughter. Jumoke was chewing her lower lip. She only did that when she was extremely worried about something.
"Who is Jay?" Bola asked, quietly.
"Mummy, Jay is just a friend of mine from school," Jumoke replied, looking everywhere but at her mother.
Bola noticed that Jumoke was careful not to reveal Jay's gender. "Is Jay a boy or a girl?"
Jumoke was quiet for a while before answering, "Jay's a girl, mum. Her name's Janet."
That was another lie, Bola thought.
"You've never spoken about any Janet before," she told her daughter.
"Mummy, she's a new girl. We only became friends recently," Jumoke responded, trying to pull off a look of exasperation. But, Bola saw through that facade. She saw clearly, that her daughter was scared and didn't want to be questioned any further, for some reason. Bola was afraid of finding out what that reason was but she knew, immediately, what she had to do.

Bola removed her shoes and her jacket and sat on her daughter's bed. She patted on a space beside her and asked Jumoke to sit. After a brief hesitation, Jumoke sat beside her mother and immediately cast her eyes downwards to her feet.
Gently Bola asked, "Is there anything you need to tell me, darling?"
"No, mummy. Everything's okay," Jumoke responded, too quickly.
Bola looked at her daughter for a few seconds and determinedly picked up the phone which she had dropped on the bed. She discovered that it had locked automatically and realized it had most likely been set to lock after some time had elapsed. She unlocked the phone and as she was about looking through it, Jumoke snapped her head up and said almost desperately, "Mummy, that's my phone. You've always said we should respect each other's privacy."
"Yes, it is your phone, darling. About your privacy, that exists only if I trust you completely. Unfortunately, I have a strong feeling that something has gone horribly wrong, somewhere and I just have to find out what that is."
Dreading what she somehow knew she'd find, Jumoke went to her daughter's text messages. Scrolling down, she discovered that there were lots of messages from Jay.
The most recent read, I love you, sweetheart. You bring me so much joy.

Hands shaking, Bola went to the next message. I'm sorry I caused you pain, sweetheart. It broke my heart to see you cry. I promise that next time, there would be no pain. I love you very much.
A cry left her lips. She looked at her daughter who was staring back at her, terrified.
"Jumoke, is this what I think it is?"
Jumoke covered her face with her hands and started crying softly.

Bola didn't want to read any more messages from Jay. She felt she had seen enough. Her heart was pounding as she went to the folder containing the text messages her daughter had sent. Jay seemed to be the only recipient of all her messages.
The last message she sent him read, You were right. There was no pain. Thank you for showing me the beauty of love. I can't wait for next Wednesday to be in your arms again.
The previous read, I know you're with her and I don't like that. Call me. Bola looked at the bottom of the message and realized that it had been sent about 10pm on Monday night.

Bola started crying now. She couldn't believe what she had just seen. Her thirteen-year old was sexually active. She had talked with her daughter about the birds and the bees shortly after Jumoke turned eight. She had always encouraged Jumoke to be free with her. They had always been able to talk to her about anything, or so Bola had thought.
"Who is this Jay? This is a boy, right?"
Jumoke couldn't seem to stop crying. Bola thought very quickly about how to discover the boy's identity. She didn't know what she'd tell him when he picked but she knew that she just had to talk to him. If she called Jay on Jumoke's phone, she suspected that he wouldn't take the call, considering that Jumoke had told him that her mother had come home. Bola brought out her own phone from her hand bag, took his number from Jumoke's phone and dialed it on hers.
"No, it can't be," she muttered, cutting off the call before it went through. "There must be some mistake."

She looked at Jumoke's phone again to be sure that she had the right number. The digits staring back at her were the same as the ones she had dialed on her phone. She forced herself to be calm as she called her husband, James on the phone.
"Sweetie, you need to come home, right away," she said.
"Bola, I don't need you nagging me about staying out late, right now," he grumbled. "I told I was going to hang out with the boys tonight, didn't I? I had a hellish week and I need to ease off a little bit of that stress. I have no plans of getting home just yet."
She started crying now.
"What is it, sweetie? Is anything the matter?" he asked now, concerned.
"Just get back home, immediately, James. Something has gone horribly wrong," she said and hung up the phone.

When James let himself in thirty minutes later, the house was very quiet so he heaved a sigh of relief. For some reason, he had been expecting an uproar in his house. Immediately his wife had hung up, he had told his friends that he needed to do something for her and had left them. By that time of the night, there had been no traffic at all on the bridge so he had driven home as fast as he could.
He went upstairs immediately to see his wife. The door to his daughter's room was open and the light was on. He looked at his watch and wondered why Jumoke was still awake by past 11pm. He walked into her room to check up on her.

Jumoke and Bola were sitting quietly on the bed, each lost in her own thoughts. They looked up when he walked in and he was alarmed to discover that both of them had red-rimmed eyes. They had obviously been crying a lot.
"What is the matter, sweetie," he asked Bola, rushing to her side.
Wordlessly, his wife pressed some buttons on a phone in her hand and handed it over to him while Jumoke started crying again. Puzzled, James looked at the phone and discovered that it was Jumoke's. He looked up to his wife and then, turned his eyes to his daughter who cried harder. With a heavy feeling of dread, he looked at the phone and discovered that his wife had left a text message open for him to read. By the time he was done reading it, his heart was pounding. He quickly scrolled through the messages and found more like that. Shocked, he stared at Jumoke without a word.

"Sweetie, please take a look at the number that sent those messages to our daughter," Bola, quietly, said to him.
James opened another message from Jay and scrolled down to see a number as familiar to him as the owner was. He was Jay? He burst into tears.
"Daddy, I'm so sorry," Jumoke said, crying really hard. "Please, don't cry, daddy. I'm very sorry."
"Shut up!" James barked. "How could you, Jumoke? What were you thinking? Have we not been good parents to you? Have we not loved you? Have we not provided all you've ever needed? How could you do such a despicable thing?"
"Sweetie, you're missing the point here. She is a child. She's the victim here."
"Victim? Did I hear you say victim, Bola? You read those vile messages. Did any sound like she had been coerced? She was making plans with him, Bola!"
"James, she's only thirteen years. He is the monster, here. He took advantage of our little girl. That man came into our home in the guise of an angel and stole our daughter's innocence."
James cried harder at that. They all did. His sobs stopped suddenly and he said, "I brought him into our lives. I caused this."
Bola put her arms around him and said, "No, sweetie, don't ever blame yourself for a second. We were all deceived by..."
He cut her off, "I am to be blamed. I put my little girl in Jonathan's arms the day I chose him to be her godfather."
"Sweetie, who else could you have chosen? He was your best friend! He was the only person you had been friends with the longest. He was the only logical choice you could have made. He betrayed our trust in him. It has nothing to do with you."
James thought about Jonathan now. They had been friends since they were boys and had always protected each other. He had loved Jonathan like a brother so this betrayal was like an arrow to his heart. A lot seemed clearer to him now.

Jonathan was one of those he had been hanging out with this night. At a point, his best friend had got a call that he had left the table to take. By the time he came back, he had looked discomfited and had been unable to look James in the eye.
"Who was that?" James asked him. Jonathan looked at him blankly so he added, "On the phone, earlier."
"Oh, that. It was nothing, really." Jonathan replied, looking more uncomfortable,
"You're having another affair, right? I thought you learnt your lesson after the last one that almost ended your marriage," James quietly asked him.
"I'll sort it out soon, I promise," Jonathan replied, almost apologetically.
James had thought then what a nice woman Sonya, Jonathan's wife was. He had thought that Sonya didn't deserve a husband who, constantly, cheated on her. His friend was a terrible flirt and James had always disliked that about him. What James hadn't known was that his best friend had turned his wandering eyes on James's thirteen-year old daughter.

"How did this happen?" he asked Jumoke, as he paced around the room.
Jumoke, through tears, told them her story.
Jonathan had come to the house one Saturday morning, shortly before Jumoke's thirteenth birthday. He had come to pick James up so they could go play tennis at the recreation club they were both members of. Jumoke had been in the living room when he came and had excitedly hugged him. Jonathan had always been a wonderful godfather and had always bought her presents.
He had wrapped his arms around her and had given her a bear hug. It always made her laugh, anytime he did that. When he was removing his arms, she had felt his fingers, very lightly, brush against her chest and she had sprung away.

Turning imploring eyes to her mother, Jumoke said, “Mummy, I had been uncomfortable about that. Truly, I had been. I remembered that you had warned me about men doing that. Then, I thought that it was an accident. I excused myself and went to tell daddy that Jay... Uncle Jonathan was around.”
Crying, Bola said, “Why did you not tell me, Jumoke? Why?”
“Mummy, I didn’t want to because when I thought about it later, I thought I must have imagined all that. Uncle Jonathan was nothing like those men you had warned me about, after all.”

She had also told no one how uncomfortable she became when he suddenly wanted her to sit on his laps a lot of times. It didn't matter that he always did so in front of her parents. Neither did it matter that he had known her since she was born. She felt that, this time, something was different but she didn't want to say so to anybody.

“How could we have missed all these? And why didn’t you tell anyone? Didn't you know that we would have been able to prevent him from taking advantage of you?” James asked, going tiredly to sit on his daughter’s bed to sit.
“Daddy, I didn't want anyone to say that I was a bad girl, for thinking that Uncle Jonathan had ulterior motives,” Jumoke responded.
“How could you think for one second that we would have blamed you for any of this?” Bola asked, coming, from the door she had been leaning on, to hold her daughter.
Jumoke leaned into her mother and turned to look at her father before responding, “My friend, Tayo, came to school one day with cane marks on her upper arms. I asked her how she got them and she said that her mother had beaten her for asking her how women got pregnant. She had called Tayo a bad girl who was getting interested in men. I hadn't wanted that happening to me. That was why I kept quiet about my misgivings.”
This is Uncle Jonathan, after all, she had also thought.

She had started avoiding Jonathan and had started making excuses each time the entire family had to visit his family. But, her parents had frowned at what they had termed her 'sudden rebellion' and had made her go with them each time.
Each time she had seen Jonathan, his smile had grown warmer and the looks he gave her had seemed fonder.
I must be imagining things, she had thought. This is Uncle Jonathan, after all.
Then, the gifts had started coming more often. Through her father, he started sending her gifts.
“Daddy, do you remember the wrist watch he gave you for me?”
James was ashamed of that reminder. It was a beautiful watch and looked every inch expensive and he had accepted it, from his best friend, without any reservations. Jonathan had said that Jumoke was a big girl now and needed to have grown-up stuff.
Bola remembered protesting when Jonathan had bought Jumoke a pair of expensive gold earrings two weeks later. "Ah, Jonathan, this is too much! You don't have to keep buying Jumoke presents or she would start expecting them," she had told him.
In her head, she could hear his reply now, “Don’t be such a fusspot, dear. She is my favourite goddaughter and it’s my duty to spoil her.”
Oh, he spoilt her, alright, Bola thought, starting to cry again.

When Jumoke’s results had been the best in her class, last term, Jonathan had given her a beautifully wrapped box. With her parents looking on, Jumoke had opened the box and in it was a lovely red dress. “I’m so proud of you, sweetheart,” Jonathan said.
That night, he had asked for her phone number during dinner at their house. Her parents and his wife had been there so she had given it to him immediately. That was when the calls began. He had told her that he loved her. He had courted her with a desperation that had worn her down.
Jonathan's wife was truly beautiful so it felt like a huge compliment to Jumoke when she finally accepted the fact that she was an object of his affection. She had become excited.
Extricating herself from her mother’s arms, she went over to her chest of drawers and leaned on it. In a small voice, she said, “I finally agreed to meet him.”

After school, every Wednesdays, Jumoke usually had an hour of swimming lessons in school but for the past five weeks, she had missed them. Those weeks, Jonathan had been waiting in his car, a short distance from her school.
“What!” James thundered, rushing to his feet. “I’ll surely kill him.”
Bola quickly went to her husband and tugged at his hand till he sat on the bed again, his head in his hands. Looking as Jumoke with a lot of sadness, Bola asked, “How did you get home after such meetings?”
“He always dropped me off near the school, after our dates. He said that it was better that way so that I neither missed the school bus nor raised anyone’s suspicions, at home, that I had missed swimming lessons."
“Dates?” James asked, incredulously, looking at his wife. “She calls time spent with that monster ‘dates’!”
“I’m sorry, daddy,” Jumoke said, starting to cry again.
“What did you do on these dates?” Bola asked calmly, rubbing her right arm across her face.


On their first two dates, they just talked and ate ice cream in a hotel room. He told her how much he loved her and how he had dreamt about being with her for a long time. He had done most of the talking because Jumoke still wasn't used to Uncle Jonathan telling her those kinds of things.

She had been shy the first time he removed her school shirt. He touched her intimately and told her that she was extremely beautiful. He also told her over and over again that he loved her. She was finally convinced that she loved him too so she told him that. That was on their third date in the same hotel room.

The fourth time they met, he pleaded with her to allow him show her how much he loved her. Cupping her face in his hands, Jonathan said, "There's only one perfect way for us to prove to each other how deep our love is."
When he opened the hook on the band of her pleated skirt, Jumoke had tried to stop him, scared that she would get pregnant but he told her not to worry about that. "You won't get pregnant, darling," he swore.
He used protection and she cried for a long time after that.
Looking at Bola, Jumoke cried, "It hurt so much, mummy. It hurt so much and I begged him to stop but he wouldn't!"
She had almost missed the school bus that day.

They met again, just two days ago. The memory of their last meeting had been fresh on her mind. She had been scared to go to him. But, Jonathan reassured her repeatedly that it would be different. "I promise that I will teach you the beauty of love," he told her that morning when his call woke her from sleep. He had been whispering and she knew that he didn't want Aunty Sonya to hear him.
That day, there had been no tears and she had hated the fact that he had to go home to his wife. However, thinking about Aunty Sonya also made her feel very guilty and she told him so.
Jay told her not to worry about his wife and reminded her that they were already taking precautions not to cause Sonya any pain.

“I missed Jay and needed to hear his voice tonight, mummy. That was why I called him,” Jumoke finished, tears streaming down her face

By the time Jumoke finished her story, tears were streaming down her father's face. With arms wrapped around her body, Bola started weeping again. James suddenly jumped up from the bed and screamed like an enraged bull. That had Jumoke cowering in fear. As he made to dash out of his daughter's room, Bola ran and held his waist, begging him to listen to her.
"Sweetie, if you drive out in this condition, you would not drive safely. In anger, you just might do something that would make it impossible for us to prosecute that evil man. We need clear heads in order to deal with him appropriately."
While trying to extricate himself from his wife’s hold, James finally broke down and sobbed brokenly, clinging to Bola. "I trusted him so much, Bola. I loved him like a brother. He was right outside the labour room when I was in there with you, having her. That man was one of the first people that ever held our little girl. Yet, he was the one to violate her. I could just kill him, Bola. I could just kill him."
After sobbing for a while, James stepped out of his wife's embrace and dried his tears. He went to a crying Jumoke, pulled her into his arms and hugged her tight.
"You'll be fine, sweetie. I'll make sure of that."

It was a very beautiful day. The sky was very blue and the sun's rays were mild on the day Jonathan was convicted of child molestation four months later. For James, it was a bitter sweet victory. He had lost his brother and best friend but he was glad that the monster, as he now referred to Jonathan was going to be behind bars for a long time.
He had been unable to stop himself from lunging at his friend when he had come to the door the day after they had made the discovery. It had taken the three policemen, who had been with him, to pull him off Jonathan. He was very glad when he found out that he had given his former friend a broken nose. Jonathan had pressed no charges against him for that.

Bola resigned from her job immediately after the incident. Fortunately, last month, she had got another that gave her flexible hours. I might not earn as much as I did previously but I really appreciate the fact that I can spend more time with my family, she thought to herself as she drove home. The clock on her dashboard read 4:30. I'll be home in twenty minutes, she thought with a smile.

Jumoke had been seeing a counsellor twice weekly since the incident. Bola thought now, I'm thrilled that Jumoke's starting to come out of her shell. I was so worried about her.
Jumoke's teary refrain for days after Jonathan's arrest had been "Mummy, I'm sorry but I really love him." Remembering that, still made Bola cringe.
I thank God that she finally understands that Jonathan was wrong in 'loving' her the way he did. He was a trusted predator who had taken advantage of her in a horrible manner.

Jumoke had changed schools because her parents had been appalled at how easy it had been for her to leave the school premises in order to meet with Jonathan when she still had obligations there.
Out of that mess, something good came, though. We're closer as a family, Bola thought. She smiled as she remembered a conversation she had with James last week.
"He may only be eight but you have to speak with him," she had insisted.
Shaking his head vehemently, James had replied, "No, way, sweetie. What exactly do you want me to tell him? No one had any such talk with me. It would be uncomfortable for both of us. Na wa for you sef. How do you expect me to tell my son about girls?
"Would you prefer he gets the wrong information about all that from somewhere else?" Bola quietly asked.

That had nudged her husband in the direction of Kolade's room. He told his uncomfortable son how women got pregnant and explained to him the importance of never starting a relationship with any girl till he was able to take care of a baby. He ended by telling his son, "Most importantly, you should understand that when a girl says "No", she means just that. There are no grey areas with this one, son. No means no. You have to say that too if anyone ever touches you in the ways I told you about earlier."
Bola smiled now as she remembered James telling her afterwards, "My dear, Kolade said that his friend Andrew told him that his mother said that if he ever touched a girl's hands, she would get pregnant. I don't blame that woman, jare. Stringing sentences together to explain all that to a little boy was hard!"


Yesterday, when Jumoke showed her a love letter from a fourteen-year old boy in her new school, memories of Jonathan came flooding back and Bola's heart had beat very fast.
But, as she doled out motherly advice, she had been glad that her daughter had chosen to confide in her.
They were all trying to re-build their family. They were determined not to let the enemy in again.

68 comments:

  1. Anonymous6:50 pm

    My heart was pounding as i read this. Sad harsh reality for so many kids these days. Really sad.
    If only parents will be quick to discern when the enemy comes in the guise of a friend:(

    ReplyDelete
  2. Onose7:08 pm

    Really sad. Uncles. Cousins. Family friends. House helps. Enemies we unknowingly open our doors to. God help us. We must be vigilant. We must be our children's best friends. We must also pray. So so sad. Nice one Ola..

    ReplyDelete
  3. nwunye arinze7:38 pm

    My heart was pounding also....men, this is one of my greatest fears...u should see the way we keep our daughter from getting free with all dem plenty "uncles" except they are first degree relatives. My husband doesn't joke with this at all....cos its heart breaking...ikwo aka tielu okuko aki...good job ola!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Ajiii gbakwa! Alu!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Chizzy5:00 am

    Olaedo! Dalu Nne! Thanks for being a ‘current’ writer, not afraid to write about controversial issues that are avoided in our society. Mothers today have a lot to learn from Bola’s clairvoyance. We all have an intuition, and need to learn to be sensitive to it, regardless of how uncomfortable. . . .
    Ola, thumbs up! I’ ll keep reading....

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anon 18:50; It, really, is terrible what children go through sometimes at the hands of those they trust. While parents should not suspect every Tom, Dick, Harry, Jane and Susan of foul play, they should not be so quick to trust cos sometimes, the same trust blinds our eyes to what we would ordinarily see.

    Onose; Thanks, dear. You're right, jare. Danger could come from any angle and it's not only males who abuse children. There are female sexual predators out there too. The need for prayers cannot be over-emphasized cos at the end of the day, unless the Lord watches over the city, in vain do the watchmen watch. We should also not be too busy being parents that we forget we should be our children's friends too... We all know the power of friendships... peer pressure and all that.

    Nwunye Arinze; I thank God for the fact that you are already 'watching' and I trust you not to relent. Thanks, love.

    Ng; I couldn't have said it better, jare..... Aji gba kwa, really. plenty Alu o!!!

    Chizzy; Thank you :) Lol @ 'current' writer. You're right about that intuition that, most often, never disappoints. Fathers need it too. 'Harmless' uncles and aunties do too to protect their loved ones. Everyone's gotta work hard to keep the enemy out.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Woow dis is sooo sad, απϑ to think he was a trusted friend..
    Yes oo mothers should always follow their intuition abt things απϑ shoot up their antennas well oo απϑ †ђξ place of prayers cannot b over emphasized.. God will help us

    ReplyDelete
  8. Yvy; as sad as this particular story is, it is the reality for a lot of families as there are many 'Jonathans' out there. Everyone who has pure love for a child just has to watch out for them and yes, pray, pray, pray. Thanks for stopping by :)

    ReplyDelete
  9. Anonymous10:31 am

    Being careful n all,I agree but I wonder how careful a mother can be.for me,till I was 13,d predator was my biological father! Mtchew! Makes me wonder if I want to ever bring a girl into this perverse world.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Anon 10:31; I'm so sorry to hear about what you went through in the hands of your father. It's truly unimaginable.
    If God blesses you with a girl, I bet you'll be a terrific mother to her. You will able to see signs others might never look out for. You will protect her from the wolves, no matter what titles they bear.
    God bless you and keep you safe.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Anonymous12:01 pm

    Wow!dis is such a sad sad story :( but definitely an eye opener for us mothers especially some very careless ones, so d nnext time Ʋ or ur spouse starts leavin ur lil girls in d care of dat trusted friend, cousin or neighbour rmembr d story of jumoke and know dat we rly do live in d ‎​ midst of wolves in sheep clothing in dis perverse world!i hav a 3 year old daughter n i'v alrdy made it very clear 2 her dat she's not 2 allow "uncles" carry her or play in certain ways with her, i'll definitely throw more light on dat as she gets older bcos we can nevr b too careful indeed! And as som1 said,d ‎​ place of prayer can nevr b over emphasized! God help us all!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Yennie12:20 pm

    There is so much truth in this,many of us escaped narrowly cuz we were bold enuf to show disgust. Many @ times children r introduced to Immorality thru very closed relatives ,homosexuality & all.We must really analyse this wickedness & find a way to protect our innocent children even if we weren't able to do so for ourselves.Many of us could never speak out so the violation continued . My sincere advise to us parents is never to intimidate our kids to silence by shouting them down all the time,we should learn to b patient with them & to make out time to review their days with them daily.We should never be too busy for them.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Adetola1:06 pm

    Permit me to share a Frieda's comment here(From a man's perspective):-

    Interesting read... Some indications of broken spiritual/relationship laws are however screaming for attention:(1.)The law of bonding time: If both husband and wife are working and keeping hours that keep them from being available until the weekend, that is a recipe for disaster. The generation that was brought up on that philosophy are now themselves parents. It's obvious that it can't work. Make lifestyle adjustments if necessary. Parenting in its entirety cannot be outsourced. There are some things my wife and I discover only during school runs. It's challenging but you must work towards having more control. over your time. (2) The Law of association: No matter how close someone is, if you are aware that they have a problem or weakness in an area, don't be so nice that u totally ignore it and expose us family to it. Some friendships need to be redefined and access granted only commensurate to the degree of trust. No matter how much you love a bro/sis who has a stealing problem, you don't ask them to take care of your wallet! (3) Spiritual connectedness: This only works if you work on the time factor in no.1, sunday only xtianity might find it hard to decode what cannot be seen with physical eyes. God had mercy on us a while back when we fired a prospective nanny coz we were uncomfortable with some trends. Learnt later that she was linked to some boys who rob. (4.) The law of control: whoever controls your time controls your life and it's outcomes. You may not have much of a choice where you are today in terms of working hours if you want to perform and move upwards; but you can make it a prayer project and ask God to give you wisdom. He will either change your position/job/time structure or He will change ur context. Do we desire more time to consume on our selfish desires or on building a legacy for the future... Finally, permit me to assure you that for every sad story/lesson you hear, there are 7X7 testimonies of Gods grace and intervention out there.
    5) The Law of Information: read word based books on parenting, attend seminars, join a word based discussion group where you can learn from positive experiences. I recommend a book co- authored by Myles Munroe - Kingdom parenting.

    These are the ones to take to heart. Finally, finally... A little test for all parents and aspiring parents: Mention 3 scriptures that you have memorized and use in praying for your children regularly... Whether they are here on still in your loins

    If u can't immediately think of any scripture, you are in danger of repeating the mistakes of past generations, sorry if this sounds harsh, but u don't suddenly become prepared the day afta you say I do... U start NOW! Own up, if you failed the test and make a commitment to change. In the next 2 weeks, let's ask ourselves the same question again and see if anything has changed. If not.......

    ReplyDelete
  14. I got three key things from this_
    1. Never postpone "the talk" with your kids...
    2. Never be too busy to have time to know what your kids are doing.
    3. trust no one

    Thanks for sharing this.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Hussaina3:35 pm

    Most tines we tend to want to do things our own ways forgeting to follow what our creator wants us to do n seeking his guidance n protection!my religion preaches against ur female children or relatives entertaining or mixing freely with other men as long as they ar not blood brothers who of course cant marry but wht do we do? Ah its civilization!! May God have mercy on us all as we seek his protection n forgivness! Amen

    ReplyDelete
  16. Anonymous5:14 pm

    I remember being between 4 and 5 and daddy would take me and my 2 older siblings to see uncle Akanji. He would lure me into his room for biscuits and sweets and would place me on his lap. He had a VERY long index finger nail and I'll feel that digging deep inside me.

    years later when my Dad died in 1989 (i was just 8) he ran away from my family after preying on my Dad.That's life. Many years later i believe it was 5 or 6 years ago my older sister told my VERY strict mum who is like Jumoke's friends mum (the exact replica she would beat us to a pulp calling us all sorts of names if she even sniffed anything foul)what uncle akanji did to her and then i spoke up.

    It happened when i was between 4 or 5 and i could open up at age 26 am 30 now and i believe that experience has ruined my relationship with men. I don't believe i was ever dis-virgined the first time i had sex with a man at age 21 i didn't feel blood just a little pain from a very tight vagina.

    May God punish all the Uncle JAYS, AND AKANJIS and mothers PLEASE TEACH YOUR CHILDREN SEX EDUCATION VERY EARLY. STOP CHILD MOLESTATION. When a grown starts calling your baby girl his wife raise an alarm, when an "UNCLE" pays your baby girl special attention raise an alarm.

    May God help us all

    ReplyDelete
  17. Anonymous6:50 pm

    Parents sometimes contribute to this too. I have an aunt who feels the good guys are the 'generous' men who buy stuff for her kids where as the stingy ones are those that don't spoil her kids with gifts. And she HAPPILY allows these men to take her kids out unaccompanied!
    We may all despise the evil that could happen later, but sometimes too many, we play into the hands of these evil people. it's not just uncles even helps. I once saw a very brief video clip of a hired help making out with a lil boy of about 4,teaching him different sexual positions.#I gasp#! My innocent mind could never have imagined such being possible, but, C'est la vie!
    My point is this- It's not just the girls that are prey, little boys too.
    Besides,judging by the no of anon comments, (mine inclusive, lol)this issue is no longer an oyibo thing to be waved off, but serious virus eating deep into our homes and families.
    God help us!

    ReplyDelete
  18. Anonymous8:43 pm

    One parenting error: she shouldn't have been allowed a mobile phone at that age. Where I agree her parents who are out all day working need to somehow be able to get through to her during theday, they could have done so on the Nanny's phone or a fixed line.
    I feel strongly that most of us '21st century parents' allow our children one too many priviledges all in the name of showing off. May God help us all. WISDOM Dear Lord is all I ask

    ReplyDelete
  19. MayOluwa11:08 pm

    This is so so sad yet educating,informative and thought-provoking.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Anon 12:01; Yes, you can never be too careful, really. Spoke with my 3-yr old daughter about stuff like you just mentioned when she was about starting school at 2. As parents, while we pray, we also have to do our bit. They were given to us for a reason.

    Yennie, Thanks for your comment. And you are so right; silence makes the enemy stronger. Our relationships with our children should be such that will make them know they can talk to us about anything and have us actually make an effort to ease their worries.

    Adetola; Thank you so much for sharing this wonderful comment. No 5 hit the nail on the head for me... @ the end of the day, it's about God!

    Ema; You're welcome, dear and yay! you're a great student ;);)

    Hussaina; True, if everyone kept their girls away from non-family males, that side of sexual abuse would go away. But, it's not only females that are preyed upon by these sexual deviants. Young boys are too. Also, direct family members, sometimes, are the perpetrators.

    Anon 17:14; Your experience was really terrible so I say a resounding AMEN!!! to your comment: May God punish all the Uncle JAYS, AND AKANJIS. Yes, sex education for boys and girls should never be left off till it's too late.

    Anon 18:50; Shame on that aunt of yours and other parents like her! Yes, it's not only the men that prey on little children, females do too so parents have to open their eyes to that too.
    Sexual abuse has never been only an oyibo thing, the culture of shame we operate here has not allowed victims to speak out. The sad thing about that is that these monsters walk among us very freely. Very sad.

    Anon 20:43; My opinion about the mobile phones some children sport now is different. I don't agree that every parent who buys a phone for their child is trying to show off.
    Sometimes these phones are not luxury items but simply a way of keeping in touch with their children.
    But for everything we do, there should be checks. A child is a child and should still be monitored, whether or not he or she has a phone.

    MayOluwa; Yes, it is a sad story but like you observed, it's supposed to open our eyes to the fact that this kinda danger is very real. We all have to just do our bit and trust God to keep our children safe.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Anonymous8:06 am

    Prayer and wisdom is d key..may God help us.

    ReplyDelete
  22. This is highly educative and informative. So true and real. Its definitely not only girls that fall prey but also boys especially in the hands of helps. As parents, we need to be very prayerful, observant and have a good relationship with our children such that they can be free to open up and discuss everything with us and that should start at a very early age not when they have grown into adolescents/teenagers. We should listen to their every comment, get to know their friends, the kind of games they play with their friends and their friends parents/family. This way, we can be able to keep our children in check and also keep negative/bad influences away from them. May God help us.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Anon 8:06; AMEN!!!!

    Ify; You're so right, we shouldn't just be their parents. We need to be our children's friends and we need to start early too!
    Thanks for dropping by :)

    ReplyDelete
  24. Wow!!!that was really scary,a lot of parents are equally at fault.We tend 2 indulge our children a lot,under the guise that we are so busy at work or business.The issue is that we shud know what is going on in our children's lives.Olaedo tanx dear,it's like a wake up call to parent.The greatest gifts that we can give our children is knowing GOD and appreciating HIM.

    ReplyDelete
  25. toysol10:28 pm

    May God help the parents & protect our children from predators.I think we need to spend more time with our Family especially the younger ones.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Uju; Thanks for your comment. A guidance to a personal relationship with God is the best legacy we could ever leave our children with, @ the end of the day. No amount of money can beat that.

    Toysol; AMEN!!! Yes we do. Thanks for stopping by.

    ReplyDelete
  27. You are a terrific story teller walahi. This made for a very good read. It's sad that this things happen.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Anonymous8:41 am

    The only key is prayers for God to watch over our children as we do our best to take care of them. Very important the closeness of parents to their children can't be over emphasized. Good write up.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Che; Thanks, girl! :):)
    Yeah, it IS very sad when stuff like this happen and sadder still that it's more common than people admit it is.

    Anon 08:41; Thanks, a lot for the compliment. Yeah, @ the end of the day, God holds all the answers so all we gotta do it trust Him to work out our problems.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Anonymous8:15 am

    PINNKY, Thanks for this very educative story.I hope parents will open der eyes and see very well to know that no one should b truste,monitor your wards very well. Suprisingly nobody is talking about the phone thing and that was the main tool he used to seal up his devilish act. Was that fone really necessary at her age?There should be school fone lines for parents to reach their wards,after all she wasn't in boarding.parents take note that fone issue has caused a lot of problem in families.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Pinnky; About the phone, someone did mention it earlier. My opinion about that is that, what works for one family might not work for another. Giving a child access to a mobile phone might be the best option for a family at that time.
    However, if a young child has a phone, it should be monitored very closely.
    The Jonathans of this world are usually determined to get what they want so even if that phone had not been there, he would have found another way to lure her to him EXCEPT if she had spoken up immediately.

    P.S. To get your name to show, click on Name/URL and put it in there :)

    ReplyDelete
  32. Anonymous12:31 pm

    I cringed as I read the story.
    It brought back a memory I had locked away. My dad's best friend attempted same on me years back. Luckily,I was matured enough to know when he crossed the 'Uncle' line after I noticed the usual welcome hugs were laced with breast squeezing. He progressed to direct advances with time. Couldn't tell my mum cos we are not that close. Relations and friends dissuaded my from telling my dad. "It will spoil their longtime friendship" they said.
    It's not only father's friends; real uncles and other relations can be culprits. And your child might just be the instigator! So watch out!

    Just be close to your children, educate them early about dos and donts and commit them to God.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Anonymous12:56 pm

    This is so frightening considering that it is actually
    happening around us.

    ReplyDelete
  34. When I was about 6yrs, we lived in a house which was shared by other tenants. Our landlord would fondle my private parts forcefully anytime I passed him on the corridor. This was a man whose last child was already in the university at the time. He's over 80yrs now and I wonder how many people he hurt because, just recently, an aunty of mine who grew up in my house told me the man used to grope them too.

    Again, still as a child, my mother's half-brother did the same to my cousins and I and not one of us reported him. He's married now and has a daughter. I wonder if he lives in fear of men doing the same to her.

    My aunty's husband has a reputation of loving the ladies. Obviously, it's not limited to just them cos when I was 13, he tried to fondle me while he thought I was asleep. I never reported him cos I was afraid of what the adults would say.

    About the same age, a family friend pressed my still-to-pop breasts as a form of greeting. I never reported that incident too. Still that same fear; only learnt to avoid him completely.

    Now, I gave all these examples to show that this IS all too real. It happens all the time. Like someone said earlier, it's not limited to just family friends. Blood relatives can be the abusers too.

    I was lucky that I didn't lose my virginity to any of these vile men. That was only through the grace of God. Not many people are that lucky.

    Parents, watch out for your children and pray, pray and pray again for them. I've been a victim but I thank God all the cases didn't get worse than they were.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Anon 12:31; I found what you wrote about a child being the instigator very interesting. This is because I know that it does happen that way , sometimes. I appreciate the fact that you highlighted another angle to sexual abuse.
    At adolescence, some children tend to act out those new feelings from their bodies on people close to them. They may flirt with them but without, actually, expecting the adult to act on it.
    Because there are adults who get carried away by these 'advances', the onus is one parents to guide their young ones right. Watch out for signs that a child is 'testing waters' with adults and nip it in the bud immediately.
    I'm sorry you were a victim and I thank God it didn't get worse.

    Anon 12:56; Yes, it IS frightening. Anyone who's ever loved a child owes it to them to watch out and pray for them. We live in a perverted world.

    Amy;I thank God you were not physically hurt by those terrible men. I pray that you get healing too cos I bet it would be hard to trust anyone at all after all those negative experiences.
    And you're right too: any pervert can hurt a child even those they are related to.;

    ReplyDelete
  36. Chiney6:43 pm

    This is a very great and thought-provoking piece. My heart was pounding all through. I held my breath intermittently. "When the enemy comes home". I can relate very easily with this piece considering my own personal experiences. From the day I turned 13, it appeared as though something changed. I would not go out on any day without getting advances from people I called "old men" at the time. Our family dentist (an idiot), doctors especially, immediate relatives of neighbors and family friends. I too was afraid of speaking up to Mama cos I thought I would be labeled "bad". But thank God I was very outspoken and daring. I escaped unhurt and can tell the stories. But the lesson is that we have to ensure that our kids are as open with us as possible. So help us God!!!

    ReplyDelete
  37. Chiney; My dear, there are obviously a lot of pedophiles out there. In Africa, no one wants to talk about this so, a lot of people suffer in silence.
    That's what gives those vile people power to hurt one child after another. As sad as it makes us, real progress can be made only when we can cast aside that sadness and work determinedly to protect our children, regardless of what anyone says.
    Yes, a lot of people in our generation did not have the kinda relationship they should have had with their parents. Let's all not make the same mistakes. They are our children but it's also important they be our friends too. Only then can they be free to tell us anything at all.

    ReplyDelete
  38. Anonymous9:43 pm

    Hmm, a male friend of mine once gisted me of how he became sexually active at about 8. Guess how it started? His female teacher in whose house he usually went for lessons in preparation for an academic competition took advantage of him! Then he became so hooked to sex that he prefered having older women, some of who were even prominent in the society he lived in at the time. Now this guy was so committed in church activities that no one could remotely associate such with him.
    Often times the enemy within might not be who we expect. This is one reason why our knees should never tire to cover our kids in prayers and for us as parents and guardians of our children's destinies, to be as wise as the serpent.
    When we were growing up, it was a crime to hear that someone had a blue film,but these days all one needs to indulge in ANY fantasy is just one button away, thanks to the internet. That said, I personally will not give my kids access to mobile phones at 13. With virtually all the networks offering free midnight calls, what kind of life do I expect them to have,knowing the euphoria of adolescence when those upsurge of hormones can make the child crave for attention and validation from the opposite sex?
    I pray that God gives us the wisdom and grace to be better parents, and not lose our family to the devil in Jesus name

    ReplyDelete
  39. Anon 21:43; Exactly! The enemy within could be just about anybody and boys are victims too.
    AMEN!!! to your prayer... we all need that wisdom and grace from God, alright.

    ReplyDelete
  40. Anonymous2:03 pm

    I read this story with a weeping heart. I really wish i had a mother like Bola. Maybe things would have been different for me. The enemies are amongst us. Sometime i wonder if it is possible to completely shield a child from all of them. It's easy to say it is possible but looking back at the things i went thru....i honestly don't know. Thank you for this piece. The more we talk about it the more we create awareness and let other victims realize that it is not their fault.

    ReplyDelete
  41. Anonymous5:48 pm

    Thank God James was more loyal to his family -wife, daughter and son than to his friend, Jonathan.
    Some other men and I know a few who would have defended their friend rather than listen to what their wives are crying and pointing at that is about to devour them. Sad, this is non-fictiono o o o!

    ReplyDelete
  42. Anon 14:03; While we can't place our children in a bubble wrap and shield them from every harm, we can do all we can to keep them safe.
    I'm sorry about what you went through and yes,every abused child is a victim. It doesn't matter the role he or she played.. a child is a child and every adult should know that.

    Anon 17:48; This is a work of fiction but for a lot of families, it is reality. However, you were right in saying that not every father would have stood by their child in the face of such evil, particularly on seeing that their child was a somewhat "willing'partner. Some might have even considered the length and closeness of their friendship with the abuser and refuse to take the appropriate action.
    Really sad.

    ReplyDelete
  43. This is such a very worrying story and if it happened in real life, what can I say?

    So so sad that an adult will decide to hurt a child like that. Parents should please try to be watchful. The minute a child becomes uncomfortable around a certain adult (no matter who the adult is- even family and people of same sex with the child), they should find out why and not make the child feel like they are doing something bad. These children are sensitive. They are not fools and can certainly tell when something is going wrong. No one, I mean no one at all can be trusted...

    Also when such thing happens to a child, he or she is the VICTIM!!! The adult has only taken undue advantage of the child helpless position whether it looked like the child was forced or not, he or she is a CHILD!!! The fact that most children expect that they will be scolded for being in the wrong is the reason they keep it secret and allow the adult continue. They only need to be helped to get over the psychological and physical hurt.

    Let us be watchful so that our children don't blame us when they have issues.

    ReplyDelete
  44. Izzy; I couldn't have said it better. Thanks for your comment and for dropping by :)

    ReplyDelete
  45. Anonymous9:42 am

    Apart from humans, the internet, the media, classrooms, boarding houses all expose a child to sexual perversions. Before another person or a media channel infiltrates your child's life, be the child's first teacher on sexual issues. Today's world is upside down. God help us all. nice work. Very detailed and expository.

    ReplyDelete
  46. Anon 09:42; Very valid point you raised there. Thank you!

    ReplyDelete
  47. Anonymous10:05 pm

    Let's be realistic about our society... Apart from the random stories we read in papers and magazines, abt some low life raping a child. How many educated pple are convicted for child molestation? Has any one seen how the police respond to cases like this? They practically laugh in ur face.
    This is still a very sensitive issue and most pple would rather keep quiet and suffer than allow it go public. Am sure we have all learnt not to trust anyone... For someone to be molested by her father tells a lot abt d society we r in. May God continue to give us wisdom and protect us all.

    ReplyDelete
  48. Anon 22:05; I believe strongly that the only reason a lot of predators (no matter the class they belong to) are not punished in cases of child molestation is because of the silence that is prevalent in our society about such 'sensitive' issues. No one wants the stigma associated with sexual abuse. It is sad that it would be considered a stigma when a child suffers in this manner.

    I am not aware that the police 'laughs in the faces' of victims of child molestation... the major challenge is that people hardly report these perverts.

    As long as victims and their parents stay silent, child molestation and other forms of sexual abuse would never go away.

    ReplyDelete
  49. Anonymous11:01 am

    nice read Olaedo.pls encourage me on how to start writing.i have a flaire for writing but don't know how to start.thanks

    ReplyDelete
  50. Joshua11:26 am

    An eye opener to the evil that pervades our generation.Ola, well done! The part that really got to me is how a married man with kids could do such to an innocent child who can as well be his child.How could he allow his conscience to be so dead just so he can satisfy his sexual desire.
    I really think our men should confront and deal with their sexuality. It wasn't given to us by God to destroy or overwhelm us but rather that we bring it under control.
    The differnce between human beings and animals is their ability to control their instincts, sexual desires,apetites, etc.
    Mismanagement of our sexual attraction/arousal has made many men a soure of pain and heartaches in relationships.Let us call a spade a spade. Guys, we need to change in this area!
    It is a huge challenge but one that we must take. By so doing, we would reduce the sorrows, pain and heartbreaks these lack of self control bring into relationships.Let's rise up to CONFRONT and DEAL with our sexuality. THanks Olaedo for permitting me to use this forum. God bless u!

    ReplyDelete
  51. Anon 11:01; Thanks :) Please send an email to the address on my blog. You will find it on the last paragraph of the copyright section.

    Joshua; You're welcome :)Very good points you raised there. However, not only men carry out sexual abuse. Women do too.
    God bless you too :)

    ReplyDelete
  52. Anonymous12:22 am

    This is quite educating. I think iit is a must read for every parent & everY intending parent.

    Ayoade

    ReplyDelete
  53. OoreOfe9:15 am

    May God deliver us from friends who are actually enemies. The incident reported in this blog is more real than we may want to admit. However with prayers God will continue to keep predators away from our abode. Our work is not only to bring the children to the world, but to also bring them up in the way of the Lord such that we are assured that our future generation is preserved.

    ReplyDelete
  54. My heart practically stopped beating for a mo! I have a 12 year old daughter and a 14 year old son and this was too close too home. In my journey with my children, i have learned a couple of things 1.That TALK must be had, as what they don't learn from home, they will learn outside. 2. That talk must be the unblemished truth e.g - your child asks where babies come from physically ...please don't say you slept and woke up and met the baby beside you:-. Say where it came from - that should scare them a bit. 3.I come down to their level - when we talk, we are like two teenagers, that way they forget I am mummy and they just talk and talk. It is amazing what comes up then. We talk about boy/girl friends and about people toasting her and girls my son is "eyeing" (inwardly i cringe) but guess what? They trust me.4.Most inportantly, we need to commit them to the hands of the almighty. There is peer pressure everywhere and they need to understand that they dont have to bow to that presurre but rather they can make a difference! Easier said than done abi? that is where we need to make a difference...on our knees....my thots

    ReplyDelete
  55. Anonymous3:15 pm

    This story is so close to heart it hurts to think about it. One thing I must say is that I'm glad that we are more conscious of these issues in today's world than our parents were. I had been exposed to abuse as a child from various quarters, both male and female, family members and non-family members, older people and even my peers from as young as 5/6years old. I have a 4 year old girl and I'm extremely careful with her, I have told my husband from day 1 that I trust NO ONE with her so he knows where I stand. I felt I was fortunate (and honestly smart) enough not to have had anyone go all the way with me and this made me keep myself for my future husband, I was devastated the first time we "did" it and I realised I wasn't a virgin. I cried my heart out as I had hoped the damage over the years was not as bad. My husband was confused and I had to tell him what had happened when I was a child, he says he believes me but I still wonder if he's not lying. Mothers, Fathers, please be vigilant!!!!! Abuse can come from anyone, so you need to stay close to your children and guide them appropriately even among their peers. I once had a neighbour who was 6years older than me and would put his finger deep inside till it hurt; another uncle (biological, my mum's brother) who lived with us would touch me below anytime I passed by and we lived in the same house. I thank God for his grace because I know he kept me from a worse fate despite it all; and I'm determined to protect my children by HIS grace and mercy.

    ReplyDelete
  56. Anonymous3:52 am

    I slept with my step brother for years when he visited over the holidays. It started when I was about
    7 or 8 and he was about 14 or 16.What did I know.I looked up to him so much. He was my idol. Even close blood relatives are not trusted. God help us!

    ReplyDelete
  57. Oh dear this is a story that really touches more than the heart. It is one thing I dread so much for anyone at all. Mothers pls be watchful(well maybe only God can see everything & everywhere)but we must leave or give no room for anything. scrutinise,porknose,do everything. At worst they'd label you as"mean" like an article posted on facebook that I read.
    Pls educate these kids. No age is too small now. Talk the'talk', listen when they have anything to say,let them watch some of our movies(nollywood or whichever one) where issues like this are portayed so they can learn from it & we must not fail to explain it to them (why this & this & that are bad & could destroy a child's life)
    Do not trust anyone I repeat anyone with ur girl-child. Though boys also, like sm one said earlier can be victims. But theirs isn't like that of the girl.

    May God help us ooo. Weldone Olaedo.

    ReplyDelete
  58. Anonymous8:36 pm

    This story was very a pathetic story but thank God for good parents who were closed enough to their kids & be able to detect on time before the matter was out of hand.This is the reason i dont always blame elligible single ladies who are yet to be married even in their thirties because majority were victims of such sexual abuse which made them to be reserved or put them in a shell of their world & they could not tell anybody but to live with the heartbreaking issue since our society does not allow u to speak up when u happened to be a victim.May Almighty God grant divine wisdom,knowledge,spirit of discernment to all parents & intending parents on how to keep watch over their children as He does to us His children.This is a good job,God bls u ma'am,Amen.

    ReplyDelete
  59. Anonymous9:31 pm

    Its really pathetic,I was abused as a child by an "uncle" and my mom doesn't even know till date. She was too busy to notice anything and I was just 5years old.I thank God for what I am now especially for the knowlege to protect my children yet unborn from any form of sexual abuse especially from people you think are friends and family. I do hope parents especially mothers read this wonderful piece and open their eyes to certain realities in life... Money is not everything,it certainly isn't worth the innocence of your child!

    ReplyDelete
  60. Anonymous7:04 am

    A very interesting and not uncommon story. Like the lady whose father molested, mine was my sister's husband's cousin. He did that for over a year from when I was 9yrs till I turned 12. I had to threaten him with telling my brother who was in the house that day for him to stop.Last year was the first time after 20yeears I had the guts to confront it because it's affecting my life. You won't believe he tried thesame thing again with another girl in thesame house last year.luckily for her I was there. Even after I told my sister, she didn't believe me! Am now the outcast and repulsive one! Oh! and a liar! I don't know if I will ever get married or have children but am glad someone thought it necessarry to raise this because see there are lots of mothers out there who still don't believe monsters like this exist. Mothers like my sister who believed him rather than me because he is her son's godfather. The victims may not be your daughters or sons but your wards and househelps. And we may never know how many are out there because the fear of being tagged loose and not being believed prevents many from telling their experience.

    ReplyDelete
  61. Ayoade; Thank you :)

    OoreOfe; AMEN!!!! Parenting is a hard job but by the grace of God, yes, we can!

    T; I absolutely love your thoughts :) God bless mothers like you!

    Anon 15:15; You certainly had a lot of heart-breaking stuff happen to you but you still maintain an attitude of thanksgiving to God because you realize it could have been worse. That, I find amazing. You will do a great job with your children by the grace of God.

    Anon 03:52; *hugs*

    Ard; Your comment about 'pokenosing' got me laughing but I do agree with you. Parents should make their children's lives their business.. Nothing should be a taboo to discuss as long as it is in the best interest of the child.
    Boys also get a very rough deal too.Recently saw a totally nasty clip of a 4yr-old boy being sexually abused by a 14-yr old girl. Evil lurks at all corners and tries its hardest to get into any open door.

    Anon 21:31; I particularly love the last thing you said: Money is not everything,it certainly isn't worth the innocence of your child! * Note to all parents*
    I'm sorry about what happened to you.

    Anon 20:36; AMEN!!! Thank you :)

    Anon 07:04; The fear of being labelled a liar is one of the reasons why victims of sexual abuse never speak out. That, unfortunately, gives the predator power over another person as in the case of the man that abused you. You have spoken out and that's an important step. It's up to your sister now to protect her children and others in her home from him.

    ReplyDelete
  62. Anonymous9:02 pm

    It such a wicked world, we even hear father sleep ώį̸̸̨ƭƕ their daughter! Its so unbelievable, what a terrible world! Parents should βε̲̣̣̣̥ more vigilant!

    ReplyDelete
  63. Anonymous9:11 pm

    A majority of women who were molested as girls say it was by that close relative or friend of the family. You need to be particularly careful of your friends when you know they are public dogs, unfaithful to their partners, chasing anything in skirt, unrepentant predator what is to say that they will not do it to your daughter when you have seen them do it to others even young girls.

    ReplyDelete
  64. Anon 21:02; You're right. Sad state of affairs we have. Thanks for dropping by.

    Anon 21:11; Another person said what you just said and I so agree... It's foolhardy to put the yam with the goat and not expect it to be eaten.

    ReplyDelete
  65. Olaedo,
    Am glad you could reach us. I have replied your comment and please forgive what seems like an infringement.I had also mentioned in the post that referred to it, that the story was sent to me by a friend. I had tried to find out who wrote it but could not get it.

    If you send me your details I will put it up as your story or do whatever you instruct me to do with it. If you have others like this one, I could put them up as yours on our website.

    I definitely don't want to get into copyright issues.

    But it was a very good story with lots of lessons for us women. Since, Dove Eyes was about women I just had to share it.

    It came to me as a mail not a share.

    I hope my explanation suffices.

    Thanks.

    Chinwe

    ReplyDelete
  66. Hi, Chinwe; Your explanation suffices :) I've sent a mail to you regarding any other articles you might wish to use.
    Thank you for taking "When the enemy comes home" down from your website.

    ReplyDelete
  67. Anonymous12:31 am

    For everyone who has been molested, speak up! I was a victim, guess who? My father. i let it out to God several years after, from him I received cleansing and healing then my other family members(nuclear) and I got back my dignity and self esteem, finally to the most wonderful man I married (before marriage) then I got my freedom.
    It doesn't matter if they believe you or not but it sure helps and it takes you a step towards your freedom.
    Speak up and get your healing, dignity and freedom back.

    ReplyDelete
  68. Anon 00:31; It's a huge pity what your father did to you but I really admire your courage in speaking up. I loved, particularly, your last sentence: "Speak up and get your healing, dignity and freedom back."
    God bless you loads.

    ReplyDelete